This is me ranting about poop.   

I was in the process of putting my thoughts together in the form of a witty limerick or two, or perhaps a series of haiku, for old times sake. 

But then, I just couldn’t bring myself to complete it because, really.  Poop doesn’t deserve to be immortalized in poetry.

Rant the First: Low Flow Toilets are Full of Crap!

Sure they’re mandated to save water, and I’m all for caring for the environment.  But I ask you! Who’s going to care about MY environment when there’s a foul river of poop threatening to take over the entire house just because one of us dared to use two more than the allotted FIVE toilet paper squares that one can safely flush before that evil porcelain demon that IS the low flow toilet regurgitates sin and corruption all over the bathroom floor?!  

Rant the Second:  If She Weren’t So Cute She’d Be Dead

This week Maggie had diarrhea.  We don’t know why.  Sean blames me for giving her rawhide bones.  I blame him for feeding her too much people food.  Either way, we have discovered one thing—Maggie has a very delicate intestinal tract.  It must be kept in balance at all times and in no way ever taunted.

But after hours of cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning, I began to rehearse a few “accidental” scenarios in my head of how Maggie “disappeared.” For some reason though, everyone in the house sided with the dog and told me to get over it already.

So I decided to pour a bottle of Pepto down her throat and go look for new carpet instead. Frieze, anyone?

Rant the Third: How Hardwood Floors Saved My Family

This afternoon Joseph and Shaylea went outside to play, and then in for who knows what, and back out again, and in, and so on.  

Soon after they came in for the last time I noticed…a smell.  And then I saw some dirt on the floor.  Wait…? Not dirt.  

Sigh.

So I check the shoes and of course—poop.  

I go through a box of Swiffer Disposable Cloths and ponder how my life has come to this. Feeling entirely too existential to be angry, I glide over the wood floors in a kind of daze.  

Why does everything seem to revolve around poop lately?  Who can say.  Perhaps it’s God’s way of keeping me humble.  I would suggest to Him there are other, more sanitary ways to keep me in line.

But whoever said that sanctification is sanitary?  No, it’s usually a messy business.  And now that I’m ovulating on the new medicine and don’t have that to obsess over, I suppose I was due for something else to drive me to utter dependence on Him. 

Poop: so simple, yet so effective.

I wish I had something brilliant or funny to say to all you lovely people.  But I just don’t.  I’ve been so busy lately that I hardly ever know what day it is, except for the days I go get acupuncture, which is on Monday and Friday…so twice I week I’m fairly certain it’s either a Monday or a Friday.  But other than that, I’m pretty lost.

Acupuncture is going really well.  Is it working?  Heck if I know.  But I like to think it is.  I read that it works whether or not you believe in it, so that’s good.  But I actually do believe in it. Bonus I guess.  

I also tried that new(er) fertility drug last month that my doctor wanted me to try a year ago. Guess freaking what!  It’s a miracle.  Made me ovulate on day 11 with a 13 day luteal phase.  

Yes, I am kicking myself for not trying it sooner, but there’s nothing I can do about it now…God’s plan and all that.  

So, to sum up, I’m on Metformin for PCOS; Synthroid for my underactive thryroid; Femara to kick my ovaries in gear; and Acupuncture for overall hormonal balance.  No one can say I’m not trying—that’s for sure!

How are all of you?

Since I last posted…

I’ve been to two acupuncture appointments so far and love it.  Currently she is putting the needles strategically in my body to achieve “reproductive hormonal balance,” which includes one on each hand, one on each arm, four on my stomach surrounding my belly button, one over each ovary, and two on each leg…somewhere.  I always forget where exactly.  Oh!  And this last time she put one on top of my scalp.  On Friday I get to add a final needle on my forehead between the eyes. Giddyup.

And no, it does not hurt.  Not one bit.  It’s very relaxing and energizing at the same time.  I wouldn’t lie to you.  I promise.

The kids and I are trying to get back in the swing of things since vacation.  We took a break from school, and this week has been our first full week of homeschool routine.  It’s going…okay.  The problem is me; not the kids.  Let’s just say I would kill to be able to call a sub somedays.

Regarding the hair wars: I cut mine.  Sean did not disown me nor did the world end.

That’s all for now…

But.

I just want to show you how Photoshop Elements really isn’t all that bad.  I know, I know.  The Photoshop purists out there all have their panties in a wad.  “But what about plug-ins?” they cry.  “There’s no cool actions!” they declare.

True.  So true.

Looky here, Elements haters…for the money—it’s a great program.  And yes, some of you actual photographers out there can take perfect pictures the first time around and poo poo editing software altogether.

Well, pfft.  I never said I was a photographer, so ha! I can get away with it.

Example A: I went outside, found Shaylea sitting in the grass, and took this picture.

Original

And a few clicks later…

Her blemishes thank me.

Example B: Right after I took the one of Shaylea, I went over and snapped this one of Sean and Joseph.

Original

Tweaky tweaky, and…

Granted, the originals especially suck because I am an idiot and had accidentally left the camera on a funky white balance setting from last night.

And that’s why people like me need to edit.  To salvage pictures from our own stupidity.

I’d like to post a few more pictures from our Colorado trip before I move on to future entries regarding my adventures in acupuncture and the wonders of alternative medicine.

But first, I present two friends bonding over a pint at Jack Quinn’s Irish Alehouse and Pub in downtown Colorado Springs.  Little did I know that Jack Quinn’s would be the first of four pubs we frequented during our tour through the mountains.  Pub hopping: vacation, Sawyers style.

I don’t really like beer, except for a Heffenweisen, but on this night, I had to have my own girly drink to offset all the testosterone around me.

Mmmmmmmartini!

And then, while we were still in Colorado Springs before we drove up to Estes Park, we just had to go see our old house on Eyrie Drive.

Ah, memories.

One of the things I played around with a lot on my camera was the customized black and white feature.  It can really change the entire mood of a picture.  Take this, for example, our condo/cabin in Estes Park.

Lovely Romantic Getaway

Scene of a Grisly Murder

But then, sometimes black and white is just perfect.

Snowy Woods in Rocky Mountain National Park

Y’all, it was so cold up in that park.  Most of the time my butt was firmly planted in the car with the heated leather seats maxed out.  I was not at all prepared, clothing-wise, since I thought it would merely be “Colorado Springs” cold, which is hardly cold at all; instead it was “Estes Park” cold, which meant ICY and WINDY and just…COLD.

And so, our ability to hike into the woods and see cool stuff was limited.  Sean did manage to get me to walk a ways through a forest to spend some time at Bear Lake though.

Sean: cold.  Bear Lake: colder.

The sun was hitting the lake and making all these amazing little sparkles in the water.

In conclusion, it was a great trip.  I HIGHLY recommend Estes Park, especially during the off season, when we went.  And stay at Streamside.  Because there really is a stream, which is particularly soothing, with the sound of the moving water and waterfalls and such.

There were waterfalls, I promise…but not on this side of the bridge.  Just, use your imagination.

We know.  We KNOW!  But we couldn’t help ourselves.  It’s Halloween, after all.  It would be cruel not to include her, don’t you think?

Such a good dog, she willingly allows Sean to put the costume on her.

Look at that face.  Those pleading eyes.  The fantastic fit of her dress.

Outwardly, ready for the runway.  Inwardly, plotting to kill us all in our sleep.

Happy Halloween Everybody!

And please, no calls to PETA.

A fellow blogger and real-life friend, Nikki B. tagged/awarded me this week! Check it out Nikki. I totally completed this tag.  See?  I can follow through.  When threatened, anyway.

The rules are that I tell you 6 things about myself and then tag/award 6 other bloggers whom I think qualify as “kreativ.”

Can I just tell you right now how much it bothers me somebody chose to spell “creative” like that? I guess they probably thought in doing so they were being, wait for it…creative.

ANYWAY.

1. Added to the list of things wrong with me: a “diffusely enlarged” thyroid.  Awesome! Even though blood levels reveal normal numbers, my doctor has decided to put me on a low dose of replacement hormone in hopes that I will feel better and that my thyroid will shrink.  When asked if this medicine will help me get pregnant, the doctor shifted uncomfortably in her seat and refused to commit.  Instead, she suggested I go see an acupuncturist.
2. On Friday I am going to see an acupuncturist.  Congratulations, self.  You are now one of those people who are so desperate they will pay someone to insert needles all over their body.  NEEDLES!  ALL OVER MY BODY!  Hello, valium, my faithful friend.
3. Right now in our household Sean and I are having mild hair wars.  He wants me to continue to grow mine out.  I would rather have it shorter.  He plans to grow his beard in fuller. I like it better trimmed. It appears we are at a standstill.  Please, someone call a negotiator before this gets out of control.
4. When I was little I wore Underoos.  All the time.  Last week while shopping for the kids I saw some Underoos for children and got a little jealous.  Today, if they made Underoos for grown women, I would be wearing them right now.  That’s how much I like Underoos.
5. I love watching any show having to do with the Duggar Family from Arkansas.  You know–the one with 17 kids and one on the way?  Maybe it’s because I’m fascinated that a female body can conceive so often.  Or that I’m (slightly) envious that God would bless a woman so many times over. Anyway, I think they have a great family, and I admire them a whole lot.
6. In stark contrast, I despise the show about Jon and Kate.  Sure, the kids are cute, but Jon is a doormat and Kate is a shrew.  Seriously, can one kind or non-complaining word come out of her mouth?  I don’t think so.

I now pass this award to these lovely people:

* Megan, because she legitimately is crafty, with her cooking and sewing and fancy homeschooling and whatnot…and despite the feelings of inadequacy I sometimes get from reading her blog and seeing her accomplishments, I still really love her.

* Lacey, because POST WOMAN.  POST.  IT’S BEEN SINCE APRIL.  ALSO, POST!

* Kearsie, because she’s my new friend and took the time to find me on Facebook.

(Facebook!  It wasn’t over…it STILL isn’t over!  Cue hot kiss in the rain.)

* Cat, because she tells her blog everything, and I wish I could be that transparent all the time.

* Naomi, because she had a baby not too long ago, and I’m sure she’s looking for ways to fill her time right about now.

* Beth, because I have yet to find something she can’t do.  She truly is “kreativ.”

The weather in Colorado is a lot of fun.  When we lived in the Springs, many years ago, I swear one day in April the city experienced six seasons over the span of 3 hours.  And since there’s only four seasons a year, you can only imagine how jacked up the weather in Colorado can be.

I’ll never forget the day I walked out to get the mail and saw a beautiful rainbow in the sky during a snow shower.  So strange, and yet wonderful too.

So when when we arrived in Colorado Springs last Monday, it didn’t really bother me that the city was drizzly and dreary.  I knew it wouldn’t be long before the sun came out.

Downtown Colorado Springs

A mild storm front moved over the range and into the city, leaving a light dusting of snow everywhere and a brisk change in temperature.

Pikes Peak and Garden of the Gods

You can still see it snowing on top of Pikes Peak, but the rest of the sky was blue and sunny.  Incidentally, this view is about 5 minutes from our old house in Colorado Springs; as locals we took it for granted.  Typical.  You can only truly appreciate something when you’ve been away from it for a while.

Our drive up to Estes Park was gorgeous.  Upon arrival, we were greeted with elk lying about the city.

Do you see it?  I seriously thought it was a statue at first.

Another one in the same parking lot, grazing. It was weird—the whole time we were in the Rocky Mountain National Park we didn’t see any elk, but we saw herds of them just hanging out all over the city.  I guess the food is better there or something.

Heading into the Rocky Mountain National Park from Estes Park

I took LOTS of pictures from our stay in Colorado.  I still have more to share, so I’ll spread them out over a few posts.

But I’ll leave you with this.

As we drove into the National Park, the higher in elevation we were, the colder it got, and the more snow we found.

One of my favorite places was a stream of moving water in this snowy forest.

Sean found a place to lounge…

And daydream…

And be happy.

Totally in his element—I married a true mountain man.

Update!

I was wrong.  We’ll be at the early service on Sunday at Village Seven.

**************************

I’m on vacation!

But of COURSE I’ll be checking in on you all while I’m away.  You are my peeps, after all.

So, for the next 7 days we will be taking a stroll through some of our favorite parts of Colorado and visiting with friends from when we lived here.  I can’t WAIT to post some pictures–so gorgeous.

I’m afraid we won’t be able to see everyone we would like, but to any of our friends from Colorado Springs, we’ll be at the late service at Village Seven on Sunday, October 26.  Hope to see you!

Love and Hugs,

Nikki

p.s. Mom, I forgot to tell you we are on vacation.  We are on vacation.  That’s why no one is answering the home phone when you call.  But you can call my cell if you want.  Love you!

Usually bible verses put to song for children make me ill.  The intention is good, of course, but the execution is almost always lacking.  

Except for Seeds Music.  Quite simply, it rocks.  

And speaking of rocks…

Tonight as I was driving with the kids in the back seat, we were listening to Seeds music, when, during the song about Isaiah 26:3-4, I heard my little boy sweetly singing this:

“Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is a rocky turtle!”

I almost spit out my coke laughing, but I didn’t want to embarrass him and stifle his worship. He was like, in the Spirit.  

I did correct him, eventually.  So to clarify, the Lord is not a rocky turtle, but from Isaiah:

“You will keep in perfect peace
  him whose mind is steadfast,
  because he trusts in you.

Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.”

But will I ever be able to listen to that song and NOT hear “rocky turtle”?

No.

Will I laugh every time someone in church happens to utter the phrase “rock eternal”?  

Oh, yes.

Sean, I’m sorry in advance…just sayin’.