A Thin and Shallow Light

This is me ranting about poop.   

I was in the process of putting my thoughts together in the form of a witty limerick or two, or perhaps a series of haiku, for old times sake. 

But then, I just couldn’t bring myself to complete it because, really.  Poop doesn’t deserve to be immortalized in poetry.

Rant the First: Low Flow Toilets are Full of Crap!

Sure they’re mandated to save water, and I’m all for caring for the environment.  But I ask you! Who’s going to care about MY environment when there’s a foul river of poop threatening to take over the entire house just because one of us dared to use two more than the allotted FIVE toilet paper squares that one can safely flush before that evil porcelain demon that IS the low flow toilet regurgitates sin and corruption all over the bathroom floor?!  

Rant the Second:  If She Weren’t So Cute She’d Be Dead

This week Maggie had diarrhea.  We don’t know why.  Sean blames me for giving her rawhide bones.  I blame him for feeding her too much people food.  Either way, we have discovered one thing—Maggie has a very delicate intestinal tract.  It must be kept in balance at all times and in no way ever taunted.

But after hours of cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning, I began to rehearse a few “accidental” scenarios in my head of how Maggie “disappeared.” For some reason though, everyone in the house sided with the dog and told me to get over it already.

So I decided to pour a bottle of Pepto down her throat and go look for new carpet instead. Frieze, anyone?

Rant the Third: How Hardwood Floors Saved My Family

This afternoon Joseph and Shaylea went outside to play, and then in for who knows what, and back out again, and in, and so on.  

Soon after they came in for the last time I noticed…a smell.  And then I saw some dirt on the floor.  Wait…? Not dirt.  

Sigh.

So I check the shoes and of course—poop.  

I go through a box of Swiffer Disposable Cloths and ponder how my life has come to this. Feeling entirely too existential to be angry, I glide over the wood floors in a kind of daze.  

Why does everything seem to revolve around poop lately?  Who can say.  Perhaps it’s God’s way of keeping me humble.  I would suggest to Him there are other, more sanitary ways to keep me in line.

But whoever said that sanctification is sanitary?  No, it’s usually a messy business.  And now that I’m ovulating on the new medicine and don’t have that to obsess over, I suppose I was due for something else to drive me to utter dependence on Him. 

Poop: so simple, yet so effective.

I wish I had something brilliant or funny to say to all you lovely people.  But I just don’t.  I’ve been so busy lately that I hardly ever know what day it is, except for the days I go get acupuncture, which is on Monday and Friday…so twice I week I’m fairly certain it’s either a Monday or a Friday.  But other than that, I’m pretty lost.

Acupuncture is going really well.  Is it working?  Heck if I know.  But I like to think it is.  I read that it works whether or not you believe in it, so that’s good.  But I actually do believe in it. Bonus I guess.  

I also tried that new(er) fertility drug last month that my doctor wanted me to try a year ago. Guess freaking what!  It’s a miracle.  Made me ovulate on day 11 with a 13 day luteal phase.  

Yes, I am kicking myself for not trying it sooner, but there’s nothing I can do about it now…God’s plan and all that.  

So, to sum up, I’m on Metformin for PCOS; Synthroid for my underactive thryroid; Femara to kick my ovaries in gear; and Acupuncture for overall hormonal balance.  No one can say I’m not trying—that’s for sure!

How are all of you?

Since I last posted…

I’ve been to two acupuncture appointments so far and love it.  Currently she is putting the needles strategically in my body to achieve “reproductive hormonal balance,” which includes one on each hand, one on each arm, four on my stomach surrounding my belly button, one over each ovary, and two on each leg…somewhere.  I always forget where exactly.  Oh!  And this last time she put one on top of my scalp.  On Friday I get to add a final needle on my forehead between the eyes. Giddyup.

And no, it does not hurt.  Not one bit.  It’s very relaxing and energizing at the same time.  I wouldn’t lie to you.  I promise.

The kids and I are trying to get back in the swing of things since vacation.  We took a break from school, and this week has been our first full week of homeschool routine.  It’s going…okay.  The problem is me; not the kids.  Let’s just say I would kill to be able to call a sub somedays.

Regarding the hair wars: I cut mine.  Sean did not disown me nor did the world end.

That’s all for now…

But.

I just want to show you how Photoshop Elements really isn’t all that bad.  I know, I know.  The Photoshop purists out there all have their panties in a wad.  “But what about plug-ins?” they cry.  “There’s no cool actions!” they declare.

True.  So true.

Looky here, Elements haters…for the money—it’s a great program.  And yes, some of you actual photographers out there can take perfect pictures the first time around and poo poo editing software altogether.

Well, pfft.  I never said I was a photographer, so ha! I can get away with it.

Example A: I went outside, found Shaylea sitting in the grass, and took this picture.

Original

And a few clicks later…

Her blemishes thank me.

Example B: Right after I took the one of Shaylea, I went over and snapped this one of Sean and Joseph.

Original

Tweaky tweaky, and…

Granted, the originals especially suck because I am an idiot and had accidentally left the camera on a funky white balance setting from last night.

And that’s why people like me need to edit.  To salvage pictures from our own stupidity.

I’d like to post a few more pictures from our Colorado trip before I move on to future entries regarding my adventures in acupuncture and the wonders of alternative medicine.

But first, I present two friends bonding over a pint at Jack Quinn’s Irish Alehouse and Pub in downtown Colorado Springs.  Little did I know that Jack Quinn’s would be the first of four pubs we frequented during our tour through the mountains.  Pub hopping: vacation, Sawyers style.

I don’t really like beer, except for a Heffenweisen, but on this night, I had to have my own girly drink to offset all the testosterone around me.

Mmmmmmmartini!

And then, while we were still in Colorado Springs before we drove up to Estes Park, we just had to go see our old house on Eyrie Drive.

Ah, memories.

One of the things I played around with a lot on my camera was the customized black and white feature.  It can really change the entire mood of a picture.  Take this, for example, our condo/cabin in Estes Park.

Lovely Romantic Getaway

Scene of a Grisly Murder

But then, sometimes black and white is just perfect.

Snowy Woods in Rocky Mountain National Park

Y’all, it was so cold up in that park.  Most of the time my butt was firmly planted in the car with the heated leather seats maxed out.  I was not at all prepared, clothing-wise, since I thought it would merely be “Colorado Springs” cold, which is hardly cold at all; instead it was “Estes Park” cold, which meant ICY and WINDY and just…COLD.

And so, our ability to hike into the woods and see cool stuff was limited.  Sean did manage to get me to walk a ways through a forest to spend some time at Bear Lake though.

Sean: cold.  Bear Lake: colder.

The sun was hitting the lake and making all these amazing little sparkles in the water.

In conclusion, it was a great trip.  I HIGHLY recommend Estes Park, especially during the off season, when we went.  And stay at Streamside.  Because there really is a stream, which is particularly soothing, with the sound of the moving water and waterfalls and such.

There were waterfalls, I promise…but not on this side of the bridge.  Just, use your imagination.

We know.  We KNOW!  But we couldn’t help ourselves.  It’s Halloween, after all.  It would be cruel not to include her, don’t you think?

Such a good dog, she willingly allows Sean to put the costume on her.

Look at that face.  Those pleading eyes.  The fantastic fit of her dress.

Outwardly, ready for the runway.  Inwardly, plotting to kill us all in our sleep.

Happy Halloween Everybody!

And please, no calls to PETA.

A fellow blogger and real-life friend, Nikki B. tagged/awarded me this week! Check it out Nikki. I totally completed this tag.  See?  I can follow through.  When threatened, anyway.

The rules are that I tell you 6 things about myself and then tag/award 6 other bloggers whom I think qualify as “kreativ.”

Can I just tell you right now how much it bothers me somebody chose to spell “creative” like that? I guess they probably thought in doing so they were being, wait for it…creative.

ANYWAY.

1. Added to the list of things wrong with me: a “diffusely enlarged” thyroid.  Awesome! Even though blood levels reveal normal numbers, my doctor has decided to put me on a low dose of replacement hormone in hopes that I will feel better and that my thyroid will shrink.  When asked if this medicine will help me get pregnant, the doctor shifted uncomfortably in her seat and refused to commit.  Instead, she suggested I go see an acupuncturist.
2. On Friday I am going to see an acupuncturist.  Congratulations, self.  You are now one of those people who are so desperate they will pay someone to insert needles all over their body.  NEEDLES!  ALL OVER MY BODY!  Hello, valium, my faithful friend.
3. Right now in our household Sean and I are having mild hair wars.  He wants me to continue to grow mine out.  I would rather have it shorter.  He plans to grow his beard in fuller. I like it better trimmed. It appears we are at a standstill.  Please, someone call a negotiator before this gets out of control.
4. When I was little I wore Underoos.  All the time.  Last week while shopping for the kids I saw some Underoos for children and got a little jealous.  Today, if they made Underoos for grown women, I would be wearing them right now.  That’s how much I like Underoos.
5. I love watching any show having to do with the Duggar Family from Arkansas.  You know–the one with 17 kids and one on the way?  Maybe it’s because I’m fascinated that a female body can conceive so often.  Or that I’m (slightly) envious that God would bless a woman so many times over. Anyway, I think they have a great family, and I admire them a whole lot.
6. In stark contrast, I despise the show about Jon and Kate.  Sure, the kids are cute, but Jon is a doormat and Kate is a shrew.  Seriously, can one kind or non-complaining word come out of her mouth?  I don’t think so.

I now pass this award to these lovely people:

* Megan, because she legitimately is crafty, with her cooking and sewing and fancy homeschooling and whatnot…and despite the feelings of inadequacy I sometimes get from reading her blog and seeing her accomplishments, I still really love her.

* Lacey, because POST WOMAN.  POST.  IT’S BEEN SINCE APRIL.  ALSO, POST!

* Kearsie, because she’s my new friend and took the time to find me on Facebook.

(Facebook!  It wasn’t over…it STILL isn’t over!  Cue hot kiss in the rain.)

* Cat, because she tells her blog everything, and I wish I could be that transparent all the time.

* Naomi, because she had a baby not too long ago, and I’m sure she’s looking for ways to fill her time right about now.

* Beth, because I have yet to find something she can’t do.  She truly is “kreativ.”

The weather in Colorado is a lot of fun.  When we lived in the Springs, many years ago, I swear one day in April the city experienced six seasons over the span of 3 hours.  And since there’s only four seasons a year, you can only imagine how jacked up the weather in Colorado can be.

I’ll never forget the day I walked out to get the mail and saw a beautiful rainbow in the sky during a snow shower.  So strange, and yet wonderful too.

So when when we arrived in Colorado Springs last Monday, it didn’t really bother me that the city was drizzly and dreary.  I knew it wouldn’t be long before the sun came out.

Downtown Colorado Springs

A mild storm front moved over the range and into the city, leaving a light dusting of snow everywhere and a brisk change in temperature.

Pikes Peak and Garden of the Gods

You can still see it snowing on top of Pikes Peak, but the rest of the sky was blue and sunny.  Incidentally, this view is about 5 minutes from our old house in Colorado Springs; as locals we took it for granted.  Typical.  You can only truly appreciate something when you’ve been away from it for a while.

Our drive up to Estes Park was gorgeous.  Upon arrival, we were greeted with elk lying about the city.

Do you see it?  I seriously thought it was a statue at first.

Another one in the same parking lot, grazing. It was weird—the whole time we were in the Rocky Mountain National Park we didn’t see any elk, but we saw herds of them just hanging out all over the city.  I guess the food is better there or something.

Heading into the Rocky Mountain National Park from Estes Park

I took LOTS of pictures from our stay in Colorado.  I still have more to share, so I’ll spread them out over a few posts.

But I’ll leave you with this.

As we drove into the National Park, the higher in elevation we were, the colder it got, and the more snow we found.

One of my favorite places was a stream of moving water in this snowy forest.

Sean found a place to lounge…

And daydream…

And be happy.

Totally in his element—I married a true mountain man.

Update!

I was wrong.  We’ll be at the early service on Sunday at Village Seven.

**************************

I’m on vacation!

But of COURSE I’ll be checking in on you all while I’m away.  You are my peeps, after all.

So, for the next 7 days we will be taking a stroll through some of our favorite parts of Colorado and visiting with friends from when we lived here.  I can’t WAIT to post some pictures–so gorgeous.

I’m afraid we won’t be able to see everyone we would like, but to any of our friends from Colorado Springs, we’ll be at the late service at Village Seven on Sunday, October 26.  Hope to see you!

Love and Hugs,

Nikki

p.s. Mom, I forgot to tell you we are on vacation.  We are on vacation.  That’s why no one is answering the home phone when you call.  But you can call my cell if you want.  Love you!

Usually bible verses put to song for children make me ill.  The intention is good, of course, but the execution is almost always lacking.  

Except for Seeds Music.  Quite simply, it rocks.  

And speaking of rocks…

Tonight as I was driving with the kids in the back seat, we were listening to Seeds music, when, during the song about Isaiah 26:3-4, I heard my little boy sweetly singing this:

“Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is a rocky turtle!”

I almost spit out my coke laughing, but I didn’t want to embarrass him and stifle his worship. He was like, in the Spirit.  

I did correct him, eventually.  So to clarify, the Lord is not a rocky turtle, but from Isaiah:

“You will keep in perfect peace
  him whose mind is steadfast,
  because he trusts in you.

Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal.”

But will I ever be able to listen to that song and NOT hear “rocky turtle”?

No.

Will I laugh every time someone in church happens to utter the phrase “rock eternal”?  

Oh, yes.

Sean, I’m sorry in advance…just sayin’.

On Sunday our dear friends Matt and Emily brought their son Andrew to be baptized.  We were so thrilled to welcome little Andrew into our church family!

I took lots of pictures of the whole thing, but first I have to give a bloggy shout-out to our worship team at Heritage.  They work so hard and do an amazing job each week.  We are abundantly blessed to have such gifted musicians in our congregation!

From left to right: Adam (cello), Michael (mandolin), Mitch (guitar), Jesse (drums), Wes (guitar and lead vocals), Hope and Becky on vocals, Mark (violin), and you can’t see her, but Sharon is on the piano.  Also, I believe the bass player is somewhere behind Wes, and he’s new, so I can’t remember his name anyway…so sorry bass player—we’re glad you’re here!

So anyway, back to the baptism.  Here are Matt and Emily taking their vows.

Have y’all ever seen Sean in his pastory robe?  Fancy!  I think when he walks really fast down the church halls and the robe billows behind him he looks like Batman.  But that’s just me.

Again, I digress.

Here’s Andrew getting wet!

Sean likes to use a lot of water…you know, to make sure the sacrament takes* and all.

*Joke!  Non-religious people reading this: the efficacy of the sacrament does not depend upon the one who administers it but upon the inherent quality of the sacrament itself.

Sean and the happy family, shortly after:

Andrew, clearly underwhelmed.

And what a big day!  The little boy needed a wee nap.

Precious mommy and son…

Just a few minutes later he woke up so sweet and happy.

We love you Matt, Emily, and Andrew!

Atari’s Maze Craze.  A classic game that requires superior focus and quick reflexes.

No way am I gonna let this old man win.

Oh no you did NOT just cut me off.  Watch this suckah!

That’s RIGHT!  I…

…beat…

…you!

I RULE.  Again please.

Full disclosure: I don’t like nature.

I’m what you call an “indoor” kind of girl.  Walls.  Bathrooms.  Electrical outlets.  Air conditioning.  These are things I can get behind.

But my friend Lyra?  She’s real outdoorsy, and more than that, she loves to take pictures of nature (featured regularly on her blog).  I, on the other hand, prefer to take pictures of people, sometimes my dog, perhaps the occasional rainbow, but plants?  Not my thing.

However, today I felt inspired by the beautiful weather (and Lyra) to go outside and experiment.

I only got as far as my front porch, but I have to say I think I know why Lyra likes it so much.

I can’t be for sure, but I want to say this is an Impatiens Flower.  Shaylea and Joseph brought some home for Mother’s Day after a church project.  And then we planted them and they grew like crazy and darn near took over our sidewalk.  Which I guess is perfect for me because I am so “impatient” (sorry—couldn’t resist) with gardening and tend to kill things.

And this is part of a Japanese…something…something…?  Whatever.  I feel like Zoolander (eugoogaly!).

Anyway, maybe one day I’ll make it out to the Missouri Botanical Gardens and learn some stuff.

But only if it’s not too hot or buggy.  Because walking and sweating are two of my least favorite things.  Which is why today I only made it to my front yard.

Baby steps, people.  Baby steps.

Just a few pictures from yesterday…the weather was fabulous!

Maggie!

We love that baby.

And this one’s not bad either.

She was trying so hard not to laugh.  What a cutie!

I like to think I’m a pretty laid-back mom.  In fact, my list of “demands” is really very small.

But when I do set a rule, I expect it to be followed.  Unfortunately, my daughter has the memory of her father.  It doesn’t matter how many times I tell her to do something; unless I personally oversee that it gets done OR write it down for her, then I can just forget it, because I can guarantee you, she has too.

For example, here’s what she’s like on any given day before we go somewhere:

Me: “Shaylea, we’re about to leave.  Go to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and put some shoes on.”

Shaylea: “Okay!” (runs off…sings loudly…stops to play with the dog…sits down to draw a picture for somebody)

Me: “Shaylea!  We’re in a hurry.  Go to the bathroom.  Brush your teeth.  Put shoes on.  Please!”

Shaylea: “Okay!” (goes to room…stands around…decides to dress dolls first)

Me: “Shaylea!  Is there a toilet in your room?  Go to the bathroom!  Brush your teeth!  Put shoes on! NOW!”

Shaylea:  “Hee!  Sorry—I forgot.  Hee!”

…(10 minutes go by)…

Me: “We’re leaving!  Shaylea, did you go to the bathroom?”

Shaylea: “Yes Ma’am.”

Me: “Did you brush your teeth?”

Shaylea: “Uh…ooops?”

Me: “And why aren’t there shoes on your feet?!?  What have you been doing this whole time?!?  Child what is WRONG with you?!?”

*********

Yeah.  She’s quirky.  And I can deal with a lot, because living with Sean for so many years has taught me a good measure of coping techniques.  But there’s this one thing she does that I SWEAR TO GOD I have no idea how to get over.

It’s about socks.

Specifically, missing socks.

She goes to bed with socks on her feet.  She wakes up with no socks.

Every night, every morning.  Same story.

Somehow, she kicks off her socks during the middle of the night, and then the socks disappear into a magical land of sockiness where socks live happily ever after with one another and other socks who have escaped from the dryer.

So, there’s that.  The cost of replacing socks.  It gets annoying.

But!  There’s this other thing.  And so help me it’s the closest thing to a Mommie Dearest moment I have ever come to in my life.

Today I went into Shaylea’s room and saw this.

A sock.  Do you know what is worse than no socks?  ONE SOCK!

Oh yes!  I looked under the bed for the missing sock.  I looked hard.  I found many other strange things that I do not wish to speak about.  But alas, no sock.

And then, I remembered.

My darling, wonderfully weird, treasure of a child kicks off her socks.  Which means…if they are to be found at all, they will be shoved beneath the covers, down the side of the bed, or darn near under the mattress.

And so, I took a deep breath, said a little prayer, and behold!

A match!

Oh, the triumph.  The relief!

And that’s how Shaylea escaped from having a drawer full of socks hurled at her as I shriek and flail about madly only to give up after a while because seriously, she’s SEVEN and hasn’t even SEEN the movie.  The irony would be totally lost on her anyway.

Sean and Joseph always get their hair cut together.  They go to this old-fashioned barber shop where the guy puts hot shaving cream on the back of their necks and then uses a blade to shave it.

Somehow, my little boy—who is afraid of wee spiders—thinks this is okay and does NOT run away screaming from the crazy man coming toward him with the big scary knife.

I suppose this is merely one of many things about men that I will never understand.  Spiders=bad.  Blade on neck=good.

Also: the need to take reading material to the bathroom.

In any case, this right here I do understand, and so, let the world know that the desire to be matchy-matchy with one’s offspring indeed belongs to fathers and sons as well as mothers and daughters.

Seriously—who knew?!

Completely color coordinated…right down to the socks.

And that is something I can totally get my head around.

Saturday night I got a mean craving for Southern cuisine, so right quick we all gathered in the kitchen for some fried chicken, creamy mashed potatoes, and of course, sweet tea.

The kids always love to help in the kitchen, and Shaylea especially enjoys dressing up for the occasion, so much so that she makes Sean and Joseph wear aprons (and a chef’s hat for Sean, obviously)—even though poor Joseph had to wear one of hers.  I don’t have anything kitchen-y to wear because I don’t cook.  I usually just stand around and take pictures when something interesting is going on, such as this.

And then, in true Sawyers fashion, approximately 15 seconds after I took this picture, chaos ensued as the entire house filled with smoke from the hot grease in the frying pan.  But I didn’t get any pictures of that because in addition to the smoke, the water from the potatoes started boiling over and then the kids and dog began to run around the house frantically while Sean rushed to open doors and windows before the fire alarm went off.

And then Shaylea, being ever so cautious as not to suffer from smoke inhalation, wrapped one of her play silks around her nose and mouth.  I imagine she felt the look needed a little flair because then she added the wrist ribbons as well.

Not sure why she chose to pose this way, but I am proud nonetheless that my son had the good sense to stand in the doorway to breath actual oxygen.  He’s a smart boy, that one, even if he is wearing a dress.

I have nothing to say but am compelled to write a new post so that my brother can get the first comment.  On your toes, Chris!  Midday blogging and shaking up the internet—hope you’re paying attention!

Another friend of mine said she is enticed to read blogs if they have pictures.  So here you go:

Unfortunately, Joseph wanted no part of my little project, so I went upstairs to see what Shaylea was up to.

Math!  Yuck.  Better her than me.  Her two front teeth have finally decided to make their grand entrance, by the way.

Guess what?  Shaylea plays soccer now!

So, that’s the big news in our house.  I’m a soccer mom and my little boy pees standing up just like a DADGUM GROWN MAN.

Oh, and tomorrow I turn 33.  You may send anti-aging face cream and lip gloss.

I took this picture weeks ago but forgot all about it after the miscarriage.  Shaylea and her neighbor friend love to spend afternoons together and watch the sun go down.  They call it their sunset time.

Anyway, I just thought it would be nice to post today since it seems we are in for a few days of dreary weather.

Okay people. I thank you for all the prayers and well-wishes. I so much appreciate how thoughtful and kind and gentle with my feelings you all have been with the calls and visits and emails.

But! Is time to be happy now. No more sad faces. Cannot take it anymore. Must feel like normal person again. Have lost all ability to form complete sentences. Is bad. Me no likey.

And yet, I did grieve. Sean grieved too, and so did the kids. We tried to help them process what happened—the best we could—talked them through their feelings, answered their questions, and now…we’re ready to be hopeful about the future. We’re ready to try again, and see what God does.

I did learn something though, through it all. I have been so caught up in BabyChase 3.0 that I have neglected to enjoy to the fullest the two kids that I am blessed with. The miscarriage showed me how fragile life is and what a miracle and gift Shaylea and Joseph truly are. I knew that, of course, but now I really know it. So, for that, I am grateful.

I hear hear you all collectively saying to me, “Well, DUH!” Yeah. I’m slow sometimes.

I’m sure there are more meaningful and spiritual lessons in there somewhere, but it may take a while for me to see it. That’s okay. I can wait.

Incidentally, speaking of self-discovery, I learned that my coping techniques, in addition to puppy cuddles and “The Price is Right,” also include sleeping, Michael Phelps, Taco Bell, and…MY SHINY NEW iPHONE!!!

I know! Sean surprised me this week with it as an early birthday present. And y’aaaalll…it’s so pretty. I love it.

So, in conclusion, no more feeling sorry for me. I have so much to be thankful for that I can hardly believe it.

Clearly unimpressed at first glance

But still, willing to give it a try

Even the awesomeness of the iPhone is not lost on a four year old

So. 

I took a few days off blogging because, really, what was there to say.  I’m not one of those people who, in the midst of emotional trauma, can come up with deeply spiritual metaphors about God and life and suffering, wrapped up in flowery language which of course shows you all how well I’m coping and also how totally holy I am. 

No.  I got mad.  I cried.  I crawled under the covers and stayed there for a day.  Or two.  And then one day I showered and took Shaylea to her art class and went shopping and started to feel more normal.  Until, that is, I had to pass up an awesome parking spot at the grocery store because it was marked for “New and Expectant Mothers.”  Yeah, that stung a little.

The hardest part was telling Shaylea.  I think she wanted this pregnancy more than any of us.  So when I told her, she bawled.  I felt horrible, like I let her down.  I feel like I let all of you down.  God!  That is so messed up.

Anyway, I really am doing okay.  Right now Sean is with the kids at Chuck E. Cheese (what a trooper), and I am cuddled up in bed with my puppy and “The Price is Right.” 

What can I say?  Sometimes it’s the simple things in life…

Well, this sucks. 

Last night I started to miscarry.  At first, I was hoping I wasn’t…and then I was sure that I was…and now I just want it to be over.

Thank you for rejoicing with us for the short time I got to be pregnant.  It was, hopefully, a glorious foretaste of another new life to come. 

But until then, we ask for prayer, as it is not only a loss for us but for our children and extended family as well.

After days of ignoring my bulging, bloaty waistline, I broke down yesterday and put on a pair of low-rise maternity jeans. And don’t even get me started on underwear. It is sad.

But, at least I am comfortable.

In the mornings it’s not so bad. A little poochy, hardly noticeable. And then somewhere around lunch everything just starts to inflate. By 6pm I am sporting an impressive little bump and my upper parts are crying out in pain.

Ah, pregnancy.  Don’t we just love it?

(a recap of a few hundred conversations I’ve had lately)

Q: How far along are you?

A: Early! Like, barely 5 weeks. Ish.

Q: What is the due date?

A: Don’t know yet…I ovulated late, so I probably won’t get one until the ultrasound. We’re just saying next Easter.

Q: Right. So when is the ultrasound?

A: Well, we are turning down a 1st trimester ultrasound for financial reasons, so we probably won’t have a firm date until the big ultrasound around 18 weeks or so.

Q: Will you find out the sex?

A: No. We want to be surprised this time.

Q: Can I change your mind on that?

A: No.

Q: Please?

A: NO!

Q: What do you think made this cycle work?

A: Honestly, it was just a matter of God’s timing. I have no other explanation why this cycle worked when the previous 30 or so did not.

Q: So when did you, like, know…?

A: In some ways, I knew this would be the month before my cycle even began. But as for actual symptoms…mainly it was fatique and nausea, and a general “knocked up” kind of feeling that I couldn’t shake. And then I took an OPK at home last Saturday afternoon because I didn’t have any HPT’s. It came up positive right away so I knew something was up. I finally took an EPT Sunday afternoon to confirm.

Q: What’s an OPK?

A: It’s an ovulation predictor test. If you are pregnant, it will turn positive.

Q: So, what names do you like?

A: Not going there yet.

Q: How do you feel?

A: Thankful.

Q: What do the kids think?

A: They are thrilled! Shaylea can’t wait to help with a new baby, and Joseph is totally excited to be a big brother.

(Now…did I miss anything?)

We’re having a baby.

Easter 2009!