So.
I took a few days off blogging because, really, what was there to say. I’m not one of those people who, in the midst of emotional trauma, can come up with deeply spiritual metaphors about God and life and suffering, wrapped up in flowery language which of course shows you all how well I’m coping and also how totally holy I am.
No. I got mad. I cried. I crawled under the covers and stayed there for a day. Or two. And then one day I showered and took Shaylea to her art class and went shopping and started to feel more normal. Until, that is, I had to pass up an awesome parking spot at the grocery store because it was marked for “New and Expectant Mothers.” Yeah, that stung a little.
The hardest part was telling Shaylea. I think she wanted this pregnancy more than any of us. So when I told her, she bawled. I felt horrible, like I let her down. I feel like I let all of you down. God! That is so messed up.
Anyway, I really am doing okay. Right now Sean is with the kids at Chuck E. Cheese (what a trooper), and I am cuddled up in bed with my puppy and “The Price is Right.”
What can I say? Sometimes it’s the simple things in life…
Friday, August, 15, 2008 at 12: 18 pm
I am glad you have “The Price is Right”!!! I have read how much you love it…wishing you well…
Friday, August, 15, 2008 at 12: 26 pm
I am glad you have the pup. I know it sounds silly, but they really are good for the emotions… something about petting and loving their little ears just makes everything seem ok (sort of).
Friday, August, 15, 2008 at 1: 47 pm
I love you Nikki. That is all.
Friday, August, 15, 2008 at 3: 12 pm
There is absolutely nothing to say except I’m sorry, it’s hard to see someone in pain. I miscarried twice, and my two girls still to this day talk about what they call “the brothers in heaven”. They both really want brothers, I’m not sure why-probably to abuse them and force them to play Barbie. But occassionally, my oldest, Emma, will bring up the subject. It’s fascinating to see their different ways of talking about it. Anyways, I’m sorry.
Friday, August, 15, 2008 at 9: 25 pm
I love you and miss you and I pray for you daily!
See you when i get back for sure!
Sunday, August, 17, 2008 at 8: 33 pm
Nikki, I only stop by sporadically, and hardly ever leave a comment. But I wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. Reading chronologically, I found out about your pregnancy by finding out about your miscarriage. Again, I’m awfully sorry to hear.
blessings
Amy
Thursday, August, 21, 2008 at 9: 01 am
Hey Nikki~ This is Miranda, Emily’s sister. I read your blog and I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I know what your going through. I also had a miscarrage, before we had my daughter. It was awful and whirlwin of emotions. Your sad, your angry, you start to accept things and then your sad again. It basically sucks! If you want or need someone to talk to please, please give me a call or email me. One of the hardest thing for me was that I felt like I had knowone to talk to. God has a plan for you and your family and I know it’s a awsome plan! Hang in there!
With Love,
Miranda Christianson